After a few more songs, I found my seat and got ambushed by the stories, songs, and prayers of people who have received hard callings…people who have given up everything to serve the poor and most forgotten people on earth. One after another, these stories pushed and pulled me into some deep and uncomfortable places, and I’m still feeling it. Here’s the question I can’t get beyond…
Am I in the place I am in, doing what I’m doing, because God has called me? Or is this the best gig I can find?
Am I following Jesus into the life he’s made me to live, or am I just unconsciously drifting from “what I think is best” to “what feels right” to “what makes the most sense?” Is it possible that I’m living the kind of comfortable life I’ve always wanted to live, but just overlaying spiritual language on top of it? When I pray “God, what do you want me to do?,” am I actually saying “God, here’s what I’m going to do…please bless it?” I’m not sure. These are heavy questions that I need to keep digging into.
Thanks for the grace to let me wrestle with all this out loud. What do you think? Do you ever feel a similar tension in your life?
Thanks to Aaron for letting us re-post his thoughts to session 5 on the WCA blog. Check out more of Aaron’s thoughts on his blog.